Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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