Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize