new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
