I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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