Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
