Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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