Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
