felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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