Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My pussy is not your playground.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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