Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
