Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
