bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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