ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
