I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize