from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
