I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
