Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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