I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
