the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize