P.S. I can't hear my feet
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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