He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
