I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
