We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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