sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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