You're completely useless in the revolution.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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