i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize