I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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