I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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