We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
