My nipple is on Facebook.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
