I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize