I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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