Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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