i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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