So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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