I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
