even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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