Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
