Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
