I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
