let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
