I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
