I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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