I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
