I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
