im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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