so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
