I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
