Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize