he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
