Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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