theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
