You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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