By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
All the doctor said was why
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
