I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
