I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize