take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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