he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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