we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
