The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
