Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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