cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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