so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
