yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
