So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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