So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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