He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
