I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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