In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
