i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
