Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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