counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think a kid would responsible me up
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
