new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
