she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
