Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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