fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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