his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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