I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
