She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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