The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize